So currently I have one teen (13 yr old daughter) and one preteen (almost 11 yr old daughter). I do my best to direct them and teach them about the world and their responsibilities. I also try very hard to let them know that I love them and to instill self confidence in them that they can and should be proud of who they are. With the completion of this school year I have found myself increasingly worried about what the future holds. I have seen my oldest change quite a bit since entering middle school 2 years ago, though she still thinks I hung the moon and stars. Already we have had disagreements over whether she should have a MySpace page or not, and I have to monitor her friends' pages for pictures that they have posted of my daughter. It's the "in" thing to take pictures of yourself in a bathing suit and post them..........here lies the Miley Cyrus influence. I know that these girls intentions are not devious or sexual, but they don't really know the affect that these pictures can have on your self image and the way the boys look at you. I am just amazed at how many parents have no idea what their children are doing.
I expect to see even more changes in my 10 yr old as she enters middle school in the fall and we are not nearly as close. I am terrified of where this will leave us in a few years. We are already seeing serges of attitude and have to really be on our toes with her. She tends to be a little sneakier than our first and a lot more verbal in her discontent.
My Mother keeps telling me this is normal and that it will be rough, but we will get through it. She says that they ALL lose their minds shortly after turning 13. I refuse to accept that my daughters and I cannot have a wonderful relationship even through their teenage years. Obviously I would not ever give up on my children......but how do I keep the lines of communication open between my children and still let them know that they have rules and boundaries? I don't want to come across as the mean witch making their lives miserable, but I wont just leave them to their own devices either. The world is a scary scary place.
So my question to you is this: How do/did you do it? How do you teach them boundaries and still let them be heard? I don't want to squash their spirits, but I do want them to know there are consequences to EVERY single one of their actions. Comment and let me know what you think and I might use your tip in another post!!!
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1 comment:
I don't have any teenagers yet.
But here is my advice. I think you need to keep an open line of communication and just tell them that they can tell you anything and you won't get mad. Of course, you have to be able to keep your promise of not getting mad.
Maybe if they want to do something and it is not life threatening, then set some boundaries and let them go. If they break those boundaries then there are consequences. If you trust them and they break that trust then they need to earn it back.
Let them know that there is so much more to life than high school and that after they go to university/college, they will wonder why they were trying so hard to impress their friends.
I think you have to pick your battles and just let the small ones go. They want to exert their independence and be like their friends. It is a tough age. If you are too restrictive, they will just lie and do it behind your back.
It is great if they have an adult figure they can talk to if they won't talk to you.
Sorry for the long comment.
I hope that everything goes smoothly through the teenage years, but it too shall pass.
Take care.
Annie
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